Port Brewing 5th Anniversary celebrates hops and our new beer closet

We bought Port Brewing's 5th Anniversary Ale during our San Diego trip (a month later we're still drinking off what we bought there). I love anniversary beers because brewers pull out all the stops for them. It's their guilty pleasure beer. The Bruery has a 14.5% Old Ale aged in oak barrels that's mixed in with previous anniversary batches. Port Brewing has a 10% Double IPA for their anniversary beer, and judging from the comments on beeradvocate, they're only getting better with age. Anniversary beers are absolutely gratuitous, usually ridiculous and always delicious, so on behalf of everyone, YUM and THANK YOU.

Bought this gem in NYC at the Union Square Park

The label calls it a Hop Monster. But the first sip tells me it's not a Bigfoot-type monster, but more a Godzilla-type beast. The 5th Anniversary is a full bodied golden ale that is hopped to the extreme. The hops are raw, grassy, even minty and stick to your tongue. You can taste the 10% alcohol as it finishes but up until then, it's a hop show. I love it, but it's definitely overwhelming. It's like a supercharged Stone Ruination - and do you know why they call it a ruination? - because it's so hoppy that it ruins your palate. If your a hop-lover, buy this at Whole Foods before they run out. BAD BOYS rating.

With brewing equipment strewn around the apartment - under the living room table, in David's room - and five cases of beer stacked in my room with an additional four cases currently fermenting (we'll have over 108 22oz bottles by July 4th for those at home counting), I decided Tuesday night it was high time we had a beer closet. There was just one problem with the closet available -

There was a little game I liked to play with the hall closet called, "Don't hit me in the face." See, I had something I needed to store in the hall closet, so I'd open the door real slow, and if nothing fell then I'd toss the object to the top of the stack and shut the door real quick. Problem was sometimes, whatever I threw up there (see above kickball) wouldn't like his new accommodations and felt the need to escape; usually landing on my face. Ha-haa I'd say to the hall closet, real funny asshole. Boy it loved those games...

When I told my dad about my predicament, he told me about a radio and tv show he grew up listening to with a running gag.

When we move out of our apartment, I'll wag my finger at the hall closet and say, "gee whiz, we sure had some good times. And by we I mean you."

Tuesday night I threw everything out on the ground, covering the living room floor. Through a little black magic of my own, I reorganized David's walk in closet to fit most of the material (David's due for a surprise when he returns from San Francisco tomorrow), stuff a couple things behind the washing machine and give a few items away. Tonight I ran to Home Depot for a shelf and then after a paint job, the closet has a miraculous makeover -

Think the space needs a beer poster, don't you?

I might just start calling it the Miracle in the Marina. Thanks to our brewing passion, the apartment is considerably more organized - except behind the washer.

"To alcohol, the cause of and solution to, all of life's problems"  Homer Simpson

Dogfish Head Robert Johnson's Hellhound On My Ale isn't just for the musically inclined

Good Beer NYC is a beer store and tasting room and is where I'm headed to meet Warren and Lorin, who both got out of work early. If I lived here and wanted to do a beer every day, Good Beer would be my Candyland. It's small space wise but filled to the brim with phenomenal brew from all corners of the globe. 

It would be a contest between this and Beverage Warehouse in LA for beer supply supremacy. And you know who the real winner is? Heyyy, this guyyy.

The Bro's Dubya enjoying Dale's Pale Ale

Flights are ordered and from their roughly 10 taps, I choose 3 lighter beers I couldn't find on the West Coast, a Sly Fox Helles, Troegs Sunshine Pils, and a Left Hand Polestar Pils, and rounded out my foursome with a strong dark ale I can find anywhere but have never tried, Sierra Nevada's Bigfoot Barleywine. We add a golden goose to wrap up the tasting, a pint of Dale's Pale Ale.

I wasn't really impressed with any of my choices, but that was expected. Pilsners and Hells are simple and clean - perfect day drinking beers but not a style that will woo me. Lorin's future roomie who currently lives nearby, Stephanie joined us to hair of the dog her hangover.

After catching up with my friend and new friend, Lorin and Steph depart and Warren and I hobble back to the apartment. Warren is on crutches from an ankle surgery and I couldn't imagine canvassing NYC on four legs. Fortunately, we stop on the way back and pickup cookies and one of the more amazing dessert-edly delights I've tasted, a Cake Truffle. It's the most amazing funfetti birthday cake you've ever had, but in the palm of your hand. My inner fat kid is screaming!

Back at the homestead, I pop open one of the beers I bought at Good Beer, Dogfish Head Hellhound on My Ale. This beer was on my list of beers to drink in New York, and I'm relieved it was so easy to find.

There's such a rich mythology and purpose behind this beer that my words wouldn't do it justice, so here's what the brewer Sam Calagione has to say about it:

"2011 marks the 100th birthday of Mississippi Delta bluesman Robert Johnson who, according to legend, sold his soul down at the crossroads in a midnight bargain and changed music forever. Working again with our friends at Sony Legacy (yup, the same folks we did our Miles Davis-inspired Bitches Brew with), Dogfish Head pays tribute to this blues legend by gettin the hellhounds off his trail and into this finely-crafted ale.

Hellhound is a super-hoppy ale that hits 100 IBUs in the brewhouse, 10.0 ABV, 10.0 SRM in color, and dry-hopped with 100% centennial hops at a rate of 100 kilos per 100 barrel brew-length. Can you tell we at Dogfish are stoked for this mighty musical centennial? To accentuate and magnify the citrusy notes of the centennial hops (and as a shout out to Robert Johnsons mentor Blind Lemon Jefferson) we add dried lemon peel and flesh to the whirlpool."

My fraternity brother, good friend and Warren's current roommate, Dan, enjoying the Hellhound. Only Dan and his roommates would put a golf net in their NYC apt. instead of a table.

These Dogfish fellers are pretty wild. Their enthusiasm and passion for beer is inspiring. And fortunately, so is their beer. The alcohol is well hidden behind a sweet golden colored body and a very citrus flavor profile. As expected, it's intensely hoppy both in flavor and aroma. This is a wonderfully wild and zesty beer to drink, if only once. THE ROCK rating.

Rahr Ass Kisser Double IPA isn't the greatest sycophant

I’ve been feeling sick all day and I missed out on a Temecula Wine Country /Breury Tasting filled afternoon that David and Karl were able to enjoy. David was kind enough to bring back a couple provisions series beers for us to drink the next couple days.

He also brought back a funny story from The Bruery. A kid our age brought in his parents to the Provisions store. The mom said they were very excited to try their beer because their son loved it so much – do they have anything that was similar to Budweiser? For anyone who has had craft beer, especially a Bruery beer, that’s an asinine, ridiculous question. That’s like asking somebody in the Bordeaux region if they have any cheap Chianti. The Provisions Store employee was a professional and in a herculean effort, responded to the lady’s questions politely and deftly. I couldn’t believe their son hadn’t prepped them on the Bruery’s beers which he apparently loved so much. In the words of Paul Newman, “I think what we have here, is a failure to communicate.”

This is from Fort Worth and I’m partial to any beer from my home state. Not bad malt flavor but the hop balance isn’t coming through. I’m not impressed with the quality of this, as much as I want to because of the Ass on the label. I’m getting rid of this so I can hit the hay early and overcome this cough. Maybe I have the black lung after spending 30 years down in the coal mines.  ARMAGEDDON rating.

Hermitage Ale of the Hermit should return from whence he came

A lot of people buy wine bottles solely based on the wine label. I suppose if you know nothing about wine then go with what's pretty, right? I followed suit in selecting this beer. There's a funny little man on front label with scoliosis. He probably made this beer to help pay for his mdeical bills, which practically makes me a humanitarian...in some alter-reality.

The Ale of the Hermit is pretty malty and has the qualities of an amber or brown ale. This reminds me of an ale my college friend Fuentes would drink. He likes brown ales and also dressed up as a Mexican Hobbit one Halloween. I feel like this brew is more a Bilbo than a Frodo. There isn't much here though (nothing against hobbits, of course). The Island rating.

Upon further investigation online, I discover it's a Double IPA. What the nards? David and I both thought this was a brown or amber ale, or even possibly a Scottish beer. That was coming from two people who drink a shameful amount of IPA's and they didn't guess that this is a DOUBLE IPA!

Apparently hermits are very confused about style, beer and fashion wise. This hermit probably wears 80's parachute pants with an Native American Headdress, like MC Hammer on Mescaline. Speaking of crazy, he also apparently he makes an IPA that exudes few IPA characteristics. This hermit is insulting to every other recluse. Boo, go back to your cave dwelling Downgraded to TRANSFORMERS 2.

Now OBI-WON KENOBI, he was a hermit!

Deschutes Hop Henge IPA is the opposite of Google TV

Deschutes advertises on their Stonehenge'd label that this IPA is an 'Experimental Ale.' They say this about their beer:

"Stonehenge is a mystery
Hop henge is a discovery. Our monument to hops"

What Dorks. I love it though. I don't get the whole experimental thing though. You know what was experimental for David and I recently? The Logitech Google TV - remember this entry - BeerEveryDay-Kevin Bacon.

The commercials had Kevin Bacon it, playing a guy obsessed with Kevin Bacon. Great commercials. We were stoked about the device and thought it'd change our lives, like the DVR, Turduckens or TIME COP...Negative Ghostrider.

This thing has more bugs than a Peruvian Rainforest. It turns the TV screen on and off, the sound hisses and buzzes, and the surround sound worked the first couple weeks but hasn't since. FAIL to the 10th power.


You know what doesn't fail and is unexperimentally delicious? This beer.

When you advertise something as 'experimental,' I'm thinking something wacky and wild. But this isn't the case. It's 9% alcohol and clocks in at 95 IBU's. For an IPA, the caramel malt base is fairly light and it covers the intense citrus and piney hops quite well.

This is a well rounded DIPA. Congratulations on being awesome but I'm confused on the experimental. The Hop Henge is as experimental as buying yellow onions instead of white onions at the grocery, or drinking in the shower opposed to the couch. This is a big bad DIPA and they should make it a 'testament' to hops and leave it at that. This is excellent as an homage to hops, why throw in words? Excitable. 

THE ROCK rating

Bootlegger Brewery's Knuckle Sandwich should win an Oscar

I've been waiting for this day to arrive for quite some time...No, not the Oscars you half-witted scruffy-looking nerf herder. To use my over-sized novelty champagne flute, duh.

 

That flute is 2.5 feet tall, it's freaking ridiculous, I love it. I'm hosting an Oscar party tonight and everyone is dressing up as if they are attending the event itself. I picked up the Knuckle Sandwich at Bootlegger's yesterday and I'm beside myself with excitement.

 

The brew is Bootleggers' most celebrated beer, but they only make it in limited quantities. Um, why would you do that to us? What are we, ants? It needs to be three times that! Well Derek Zoolander, what's interesting about this fellow is it's made from their leftover hops. So whatever hops are leftover after they brew all their other beers they save up until they have enough for the Knuckle Sandwich. Being a Double IPA means it requires LOTS of hops. Translation for all this - they make this in small batches and not very often. But guess what? They just released a batch this week. Being at the brewery yesterday for Nick and AJ's birthday was fortuitous.

David welcomes our guests at the door

It's a phenomenal beer. For being 10.5% alcohol and a Double IPA, this beer is as smooth and balanced as a Formula 1 Racer. It has a sweet malt mouthful followed by rounded citrus and piney hops. It's a Mike Tyson Knockout. BAD BOYS rating.

Seriously Bale, stop stealing my look or I will find you and lock you out of the Oscars...again

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So I drank out of my Scepter/Shrek's Champagne Flute all night. It was kinda awesome. Although I didn't win the Oscar pool (damn you Rucker!) the party was a fantastic success and I (at least) had an amazing time. In order to capture the party and its beautiful guests, everyone posed for a picture using it as a prop. The results are glorious. Check out the fanfare below:

The Hosts. We also doubled as Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin's stand-ins last year

Don't throw Nic a fastball

Jessica is the Belle of the Ball. Oscar Queen anyone?

Settle down Brad, your jeans are getting acid washed

The glass gets in the way every time Melissa. Mother Rucker!

Kym teaches a course on drinking daintily out of absurd glasses. Her secret? Channeling Dame Helen Mirren

Watch out for AJ, this kitty's got claws

That glass isn't your teddy bear Tierney.

Heyyy! Is Tiffany holding the glass or is the glass holding her?

Ellen knows where the good shit is

Tamara drinks like a boss

What is she doing? Hey Rachel Lohan, don't steal my crystal glassware.

Glen was an extra in MILK three years ago and he's hasn't broken character since. Suck it Colin Firth.

Jerren's a glass half-full kind of guy, but this is pushing it

Between Sierra Nevada Hoptimum Imperial IPA and Texas Pecan Pie, who needs a Valentine?

It's Valentine's Day blah blah blah shards. Real Men (*citation needed) spend a Bromantic Night drinking beer, eating pie, bottling delicious home brew and enjoying the company of a couch surfing friend Evan - who has spent the last two months on the Mexican Coast living in a beach tent and is currently regaling us with stories which make me want to call him names like "jerk face," "asshole," "god damn you," and "sure you don't need a party buddy?" (real friends don't let other friends party with beautiful strangers, duh).

And my first valentine Momma Davis sent her favorite fat kid a Pecan Pie. That's Texas love. 

So good once it touches the lips

David purchased this after tasting it at the Whole Foods Beer Festival and it is phenomenal.  This is up in the pantheon of Double IPA's alongside Stone Ruination. Classic Sierra Nevada body with an incredibly smooth but incredibly hoppy flavor. There's an interesting bite in the middle of my sip, like a hop spike, that's fleeting and adds an interesting characteristic to the taste.

This is DANK. It is Original Gangster Dank. It's 10.4% alcohol (which I don't taste at all) and it's over 100 IBU's. I mean, wow. Shenanigans. I'm pulling my hair out in delight. BAD BOYS rating. Seriously, pick it up.


If I can get off that boner coaster, David and I bottled our second home brew together, the Belgian IPA. We knew from tasting it during the primary to secondary fermentation transfer, that the brew is still a working recipe and we need to step up the malt/fermentables for the next batch.

With our tasting today, we forecast the brew to be 'pretty decent.' It's not there yet because the hops to malt ratio isn't where we want it, so it'll be pretty hoppy but hopefully not overwhelmingly so. I'm also crossing my fingers that the bottle conditioning / carbonation will bring out the hop aroma, because it's not very strong right now. The greatest surprise is the beer's clarity. It's fantastic and I couldn't ask for anything clearer. It's pretty close to a Houblon Chouffe:

 

This result is from either the wort cooler I picked up before the last batch or the Fascist-isque temperature control in my room, or both. Regardless, I'm proudly pleased with the final product. Two Mondays from now we'll taste and see what's in store. Best Valentine's Day in a long, long time. 

At the Surly Goat, Craftsman Monkey See Money Do isn't an evil monkey living in your closet

This has been a long time a coming. Headed out to the Surly Goat for a coworker's birthday. The Surly Goat is a great beer bar, who has a host of unusual beers (Surly Goat Brew Ha Ha's) but it's in WeHo, which is a drive from the Marina so we haven't made it out yet. Between my wonderful coworker Kate's berfday and the promise of beer and cupcakes, I convinced David it was a worthwhile drive.

Nice Crayola work

Monkey is a Double IPA and pours a great hefeweizen color, making it a bit darker than a pale ale. The flavor profile delivers what it promises with robust bitterness, the hops add a grassy and slightly citrus taste. The beer finishes dry and the bitterness doesn't overwhelm the palate. This ain't no Transformers dark side of the moon, welcome to THE ROCK rating

Note: how unless you're in a LA bars east of Fairfax, one may not be able to find Craftsman, the small but highly regarded Pasadena brewery, bottled in stores. So look for it in your local brew pub!

Now it's time to thump my chest - David beat me terribly at Foosball last May, but last night we held a grudge match and I beat the Scandinavian out of him. Old score settled, we then teamed up against two chumps for back to back games. They suggested jokingly that if we won, they would call me "Walker Wrecks-a-Stranger" which is the best nickname I've heard in a long time (a play on Walker Texas Ranger). Guess what? We thumped them. How bad did we shit on their dignity? Like a boss.

All these months later, Foosball redemption still tastes so sweet.

Moonday Night Brings Ninkasi Tricerahops Double IPA

Don't you love to discover that a creatively named beer also tastes excellent? What's that? No?? Well I do, so F U and your mom's fat.

Finally a beer that compliments those really normal paintings on the wall

This dinosaur comes on strong with the hops and a subtle dash of malts...Dare I taste some vanilla? Well played sir. Another positive element with this Cretaceous herbivore, is that unlike a lot of DIPA's, drinkability with him is not a problem. I could drink more of this. Love that cloudy sentiment too. I like you, you taste good. THE ROCK rating.

Hey, remember that time I said F U and your mom is fat? I take back the mom is fat part, she's probably a very nice lady. F U

Stone Ruination Double IPA with Amarillo Hops, Cask Conditioned

Like a tsunami, the smell of Axe body spray in a gym locker room and large women at R Kelly concerts, this beer is overwhelming. David and I went out to the Daily Pint Saturday night with Aaron B, Nick G and his special ladyfriend / ball-and-chain, depending on the moon's phase.

My Mouth Exploded

Marry me Margaret Thatcher! This was an apocalyptic beer. The cask conditioning is evident in smell and taste, as it heightens the already pronounced hops. Seriously, it's Southbound and down, all aboard for the train to HOPSVILLE. And by Hopsville I mean a swimming hole brimming with hopst. Smell and taste are bitter like a lemon, lemon, lemon and it lingers like the Russian Front in World War II. Confederate Calvary General Stonewall Jackson supposedly ate lemons whole for health and vitality. He'd enjoy this beer, that crazy bastard. If you haven't figured out, this hopstacular wasn't very balanced. It's outrageous. If this beer was an art piece, it'd be in the experimental section of the Tate Modern in London.

Stone, you have my respect for pushing the limits. However, this is a specialty beer and only for those bold, bold drinkers who like to have their head explode once in a blue moon. For me, once in a lifetime is enough. TRANSFORMERS 2 rating.

**Special shout out to Aaron B, who rallied to join us after a full day of Wizardry. This man rolls deep:

He is no longer Gandolf the Gray. The transformation is complete; he is now Gandolf the White.

Great Lakes Brewing Lake Erie Monster Double IPA

Continuing my Chicago vacation with Lindsey A at Northside Bar. Lake Erie Monster seemed to be a smart pick because I was trying to make a local choice. Started with a Raging Bitch earlier today, so the bar was set high.

It just isn't very distinctive. It's definitely a double IPA and it's pretty clean, but the carbonation is low and there wasn't much about this that was stand-out awesome. It lacked the full-bodied sweetness that really good Imperials have. I will be moving on to something else local.

This beer is Al Boreland (Richard Karn) of "Tool Time" fame. You can't name a beer Lake Erie Monster without it being a little endearing. But ultimately this is never going to be a big hit.

Hoptopia Double IPA

Kamari, my adopted dog child for the weekend, and I waited for Walker
right up until 1150, almost had to go it alone. I was excited to try
this double IPA because it's one of my favorite styles. Hoptopia is a good
variation, there's a mellow sweetness that settles in after the
typical bitter taste of a strong IPA. Walker has decided he doesn't
like this beer, but he's probably just jealous that Kamari likes me
more than him.

This beer is Jack Nickolson in as Good As It Gets. A (double) bitter
curmudgeon that is actually kinda nice once you get to know the guy.

Hoptopia Double IPA

So this fella was a reasonably cheap purchase at BevMo. The name raises tasting expectations and I imagined a super nova explosion of hops in my mouth, like an amazing science experiment gone wrong.

It's a lot to live up to and Hoptopia failed to meet expectations. It's not a bad beer, but the hop was less explosion and more Black Cat Firecracker. If the label said, 'a mild mannered IPA' then I wouldn't be left so unsatisfied. They could make the name an homage to Clark Kent, Superman's mild mannered alter-ego. Hermitage Brewery, I'm available. And cheap. Did I mention terrifyingly handsome? Meanwhile, Hoptopia Double IPA can be found on THE ISLAND.