Wasatch Polygamy Porter saves a busted ski day

I'm on my 3rd day of skiing at Deer Valley and my skis have been troubling me the entire time. They keep popping off for no reason on turns! Today they finally called it quits. I narrowly avoided a complete disaster when the entire binding cracked and broke off. Luckily it was on a small jump and not while I was busting it down a mountain.

Ski patrol came by and asked if I needed a toboggan ride down. Everyone in my group is giggling like a school girl at the thought of me riding down and all the pictures that could be shared on Facebook of my embarrassing situation. So I told ski patrol "No toboggan can hold me!" and then ski'd down on one leg like an unbalanced yoga pose.

Without skis I'm done for the day, so Sam and I head to the commissary for a beer. I'm hoping Wasatch's Polygamy Porter will save my day. Their label is a Mormon man surrounded by 7 wives and the slogan is right up my alley, "Why just have one?" Love me some beer humor.

The porter is a pretty basic porter. It has a bit of chocolate and a decent roastiness. There isn't much complexity but the mouthfeel is smooth and creamy. All of this is translating right now to a relatively uninteresting but still quite enjoyable brew. Plus it's way better than being in a toboggan. TRANSFORMERS rating.

Deschutes Black Butte Porter boosts my trivia score

At age 28, I'm finally attending my first Trivia Night at a bar. Weird right? How else could I possibly spend my Wednesday nights? Oh wait, I used to be in a bowling league. Ah, balls get in the way of everything.

Speaking of, Susie and I's team name for trivia at South is "Black Turtleneck HandJobs" in honor of Steve Jobs resigning and becoming 'unemployed.' Hand job is still a job, right? Sadly, the team title was runner up in the best name category for the night, right behind "Michael J Fox says 'What earthquake?'" That's just all sorts of wrong and hilarious.

"Black Turtleneck HandJobs"

South has a decent selection of beers but I've had most of them, except for this dark butted beauty. The Oregon based Deschutes brewery makes one incredible porter, and it goes by the name Black Butte.

There's a wonderful dark roast aroma and the mouth feel is silky smooth. Small amounts of chocolate, biscuit and coffee roll together for a well balanced profile. The roasted malts roll off the tongue and stick to the back of your mouth for just a moment before disappearing, leaving you wanting more. This is a sports bar OR a parlor porter, able to be consumed in large quantities or sipped casually and appreciated. Simply, the Deschutes Black Butte Porter is one of the better porters I've tasted this year. THE ROCK rating.

Trivia wise, with the first round of Paul Rudd/Anchorman trivia and the second round of Saxophone solo's, we did pretty well for two people who were competing against teams of 4 or more, but after the third round asked us to name the top 10 fantasy football picks listed on yahoo, we were goners. I'm coming back with reinforcements -- David and Karl will destroy you. Together they are equal to the IBM machine that beat those dorks in Jeopardy. Your up'ms will come South Trivia Night!

Anchor Steam Porter begins a good old fashioned night of drinkin' the good stuff

I'm at The Other Room with Karl and we're killing time until David and Nick G are able to join us to kill a growler of Iron Fist and hopefully some ice cream, which if they don't eat, will eventually turn my inner fat kid into an outie. In the meantime, I'm surprised to discover I've unfortunately covered a good portion of The Other Room's beer menu, and I'm settling down on the fairly easy to find Anchor Steam Porter.

Anchor Steam's brewing process, is called steam brewing, and during the first half of last century, it was pretty common on the West Coast, but now Anchor steam is the only company which still brews in this manner. The result, if you've ever had an Anchor Steam, is a creation similar to a fruity Sierra Nevada.

Accordingly, the Anchor Steam Porter has very dark fruit notes that are unique to the porter style. Porters are known for their roasted and toasted malts - chocolate, nutty flavor notes. The steam process has really differentiated this porter from others in the style. While unusual, I like it. It's a drinking porter and perfect for summer. TRANSFORMERS rating.

Back at the homestead, we open Iron Fist's Velvet Glove, which I've had before as the beer of the day and scooped some ice cream (Velvet Glove is pretty heavy). This beer is just phenomenal, and with ice cream it's like chocolate alcohol syrup. It's so good I had seconds of both, just to enjoy the pairing.

Nick G also brought over some Gunga Galunga, one of David's favorite beers, made with ginger and named after a Bill Murry line from Caddyshack. Could it get any better? Only by sharing it with great friends like Karl and Nick G. Freaking great guys night of drinking and non stop laughter.

Coastal Fog Smoked Porter can't beat combat shotgun training day

Nic R had the greatest idea for his bachelor party. Take a couple guys out and be taught be the best in the country on how to tactically use a shotgun. These guys were rated #1 in the world by Homeland Security (or so they say) http://www.americandefenseenterprises.com/index.htm

First, the beer. I wasn't a fan.

My new entrepreneurial book by the creators of the Brooklyn Brewery, a fascinating read

It was brewed in the 'San Francisco' style, which means it used the same style as Anchor Steam. This attributes to the fruity flavor I'm tasting, but overall it's a pretty simple beer and there isn't much here really. Easy drinking I suppose. THE ISLAND rating.

We learned everything from handling a shotgun, reloading, firing moving forward and backward, firing at multiple targets using cover, reloading on the run (the first picture above) and then house clearing, which was a little nerve racking.

The bachelor himself takes on three targets

Reloading

We shot over 120 shells over the course of the day and earned a terrible sunburn. We all agreed that this was a fantastic bachelor idea and party. I'm not a huge gun nut, I'll never own a gun, but I loved doing this. The instructors were serious and intense. The whole day was intense, from beginning to end.

Safety on!

There were other people firing nearby us and even though you we're protected by dirt mounds (in the background above), high rounds whizzed above our heads. We were obviously never in danger but it was certainly unnerving. I didn't even know how to shoot a shotgun at the beginnig of the day. The first two shots we fired as a group, I didn't even shoot because the safety was on and I didn't put one in the chamber. I was a total noob. But by the end of the day reloading on the run and firing at multiple targets was mechanical. I can only imagine what doing this everyday in the army could turn you into.

This was my favorite exercise, firing at 5 targets while moving between cover

I was given an Benelli M2 Semi-Automatic shotgun, which means I didn't have to pump it to fire. This terrified my initially, fearing that I'd accidentally put some buckshot into someone's leg. But as soon as I learned how to use it, God I was loving it. Not having to pump, I ran through some courses like a ninja. Once I returned it to the trainers, I already missed my Benelli. Single tear...

Nick G makes short work

The last sequence below was a lot of fun. Shoot three targets, then 'under fire' move back to cover, port-load a shotgun slug (enter a musket round directly into your chamber), take out the back target, then reload with buckshot for the final two. It was such a blast!

Bachelor Nic R does the last drill

Pros at the end of the day.

Firestone Walker's Reserved Porter is the perfect companion for a stormy night

Let's be honest, I only drink Firestone because I see my name on the label. They also make good beers but that's kinda a moot point for me.

We're gearing up for Beefest (in our minds and hearts) and David is taunting me with KFC. He believes deep down that I secretly want KFC. He tore out this huge coupon as part of his campaign...Let me tell you about the last time we had KFC. 

But first, beer! There are roaring winds outside right now and we're hunkered down with what I think is the best hunkering down beer possible, a porter. When it's stormy outside, I don't want an IPA or a Blonde or even a Belgian. I want something that's dark, filling and full of roasted elements. It's the beer equivalent of sitting next to a roaring fireplace.

This porter has a pleasant nut aroma and it has dark chocolate and nut flavors that compliment a nice roasty character. It's a well made porter. THE ROCK rating. 


-- For a stormy night, here's a little scary story (more like gross) to hear whilst you drink your porters. It's a story of gluttony told in the most necessarily dramatic fashion possible --

I used to live in a single apt. near Brentwood across the street from a KFC. I didn't grow up on fried chicken and I'm not a fan. I'll eat your Taco Bell and Jack n' the Cracks, but KFC never appealed to me and I swore to never eat it as long as I lived in that location. It became a point of pride. Yet there it was, its luminous lights glaring at me deep into the night. I saw young, old, latino, white people, EVERY type of person go in and out of that establishment, except for me (and why do the elderly have a craving for a wing? Mind boggling).

I lived there for 13 months before one day when I finally caved. There was a lot of alcohol involved and some pre-KFC shenanigans. Day drinking at its finest. David and I were on a Call of Duty Zombie killing kick, and the plan was to end the evening by ordering something quick and focus on killing some undead Nazis. I don't remember whose bright idea KFC was but for continuity's sake, I'll blame David entirely. So we walked over and that's when we saw the sign - for 12 bucks we could get a family pack that came with a bucket of chicken, biscuits, gravy, and a Bundt Cake. Really? A freaking family sized cake? KFC was out of cookies, so no substitutions. Dammit! We snapped it up anyway.

Imagine all this for two people, but with less presentation

This is where it gets embarrassing. Back in my single apartment, I laid out newspaper on the floor. We stationed our buiscuits and gravy around us for easy access and dove in with gluttonous fervor. Bones and grease began piling up on the floor. I put more newspaper down. We were acting like Neanderthals who hadn't eaten any Woolly Mammoth since the last big frost, but my booze addled mind was incapable of realizing this reality. Later, my stomach was full from all the other crap but I also have a terrible sweet tooth. What to do about the bundt cake? Well, there was a thin layer of icing atop the cake. Being the pragmatic person I am, I simply ate the icing and left the cake. Now, that is to say, I demolished the entire top half of the cake using my bare hands (were there no utensils? Who knows) and left the bottom half standing, like the foundations to an old house. On this night, hyenas would've been terrified of us. We...obliterated that 'family pack,' and then proceeded to drink and play zombies until passing out. Party.

Ate the top like a zombie eating brains

In the morning, we felt wretched. There were bones everywhere on the grease soaked newspapers. Leftover mashed potatoes and gravy were scattered about. It didn't matter what our stomachs were telling us, 10 minutes later, there were no leftover mashed potatoes and gravy. We killed the last of the gravy with our warm unfinished beers. No survivors in that house...Gross doesn't describe it.

I can forget many nights (thanks booze) but I can't seem to forget the details of that night as hard as I try. I mean, it's not like I ran over a hobo and drove off without calling an ambulance, or shook an infant like a Polaroid picture, but for whatever reason that night shamed me pretty bad. I guess you could say (in the most melodramatic way possible), that it showed me what I was really capable of. I saw the shadowy fat kid who lurks inside.

Now is a better time in my life. I now try to eat at one salad a day and workout 4-5 times a week (to counter balance my daily beer diet). The air seems fresher and even the sun seems brighter. The KFC was 2 years ago and we're wayyy more mature now...But I have a feeling that after 3 hours of day drinking nonstop, the devil may tempt me to partake in the Colonel's Finest White Meat.

Duh duh dunnnnn

Kona Wipeout and the Craft Beer Festival at Whole Foods is the Best. Deal. Ever

The post is heavy on pictures and light on words because pictures do say a 1,000 words. What do these pictures convey? BEER. Beer, beer, beer, and beer for only $10. There are 10 breweries. 10 dollars for multiple beers from each of them. Today is easily the best way I have ever spent ten bucks except for that one time in Tijuana. For 10 bucks I'm constantly drinking quality craft beer for two hours 10 from noteworthy breweries. 10! 10! 10! Is this the real deal? Fueled by a David Bowie/Hall&Oates super mix, Karl, David and I rolled down to the El Segundo Whole Foods to investigate.

 

I'm beginning with Firestone and sampling the Union Jack (a personal favorite) as well as the never-drunk Special Edition DIPA and the Merlin Oatmeal Stout, both were excellent and the double I'm excited to officially taste it one day soon. Mister Firestone himself was there pouring and he let me know that the DIPA was a year-round beer but it will be available in limited quantities because it is a time intensive brew.

Firestone Brewery

Peak Organic Ale is the most interesting beer there. They make a slew of organic beers that are pretty out of the box, including a Pomegranate Wheat Ale that is really solid. IPA was tasty as well. I learned that the hardest part of their job is convincing the farmers to cordon off part of their land to grow organically (at greater time and expense) in order to make beer that will taste better (due to it being organic). I can see how that would be a tough sell. A farmer would really have to believe in the quality of beer.

Peak Organic

Sam Adams has their winter seasonal to sample as well as LEGIT beer opener key chains. I tried the Fuzziweg, an interesting concoction of 12 spices.

Sam Adams loves key chain beer openers

Aloha beer! Our beer of the day is from Kona. The rep pouring the brew is wearing a lei and is super chill. Maybe he's drunk, I can't tell. Maybe I'm a little sauced. Whatever, I'm surfing right now on a Hawaiian Porter wave of 100% Kona Coffee. As a seasonal, it's simple but pleasurable beer and definitely defined by the coffee. ARMAGEDDON rating

Kona Coffee Porter

Our two favorite local breweries are on hand. The Bruery is tasting the Rugbord and Orchard de Lente. Bootleggers brought a pony keg of their brand new West Coast IPA, which is a DANK beer and hope to buy a growler of next time I'm down there.

The Bruery represents

After devouring spicy cheese balls, we are moving onto the second area. This is where the party is. Everyone's a little drunk too by the time they arrive here, so the beer flows like wine. Speaking of beer and wine, first in the mix is Sierra Nevada's three pack of 30th Anniversary Beer and one of them tastes like a barley wine. I wanted to originally have one of these beers as our halfway through the year beer, but I'm glad we didn't. They aren't bad but they're not as amazing as I dreamed them to be.

Also, the Sierra sales rep was HAMMERED and pouring people as if he had an infinite supply. He is love'n it - being drunk on and pouring Sierra Nevada at the same time. My hero for the day.

Sierra Nevada also have the brand new Hoptometer, their attempt at a 110+IBU uber IPA. It's ego-strokingly hoptaculer. David is buying one to taste, we'll have it soon.

Tried the New Belgim Trippel for the first time, was excellent and would love to drink more.

 

The other beers available are a few from Le Fin de Monde, Weihenstephaner, Affligem and two from Stone. These strong beers really put me over the edge and I feel happy. I suddenly want to buy the entire beer selection in the Whole Foods fridge. I'm definitely over-served. Mission Accomplished!

Overall, this is a sublime experience which probably won't happen again. I think Whole Foods was grossly unprepared for the amount of people turning out. We got away with murder for the amount of beer we drank at the price. We tried a few beers for the first time and enjoyed many for the umpteenth time. Thanks to Karl for driving and for being awesome and to Whole Foods for being naive enough to think 10 dollars for a 2 hour drunkfest wouldn't attract a crowd.

512 Pecan Porter helps keep Austin weird but ain't up my alley

Met Andrew and Allison M at The Ginger Man, which I've always wanted to go to because it has a huge selection of beer, illustrated below.

Emily H joined us while I was already into a Shiner Celebration, which is Shiner's Winter Seasonal. My brother recommended it to me and I'm questioning his call on this. It is a dark, intensely fruity beer with strong peppermint aftertaste. I'll have it a at least one more time before leaving Texas, so let's see if I warm up to it. Emily suggested I try the Austin-based 512 Brewery and I happily ordered a 512 Pecan Porter for a 12:01am Special.

512 is the Austin area code, btw. The beer itself is a decent porter, though I feel the pecan isn't so much pecan as it is sweet praline, i.e., it tastes syrupy. Also, wasn't very rounded but was still drinkable. ARMAGEDDON rating

Great times with Andrew and Allison and Emily drinking and telling stories while rats crawled down the bar's wall, which elicited a scream from a random someone each time. It got old, REAL fast.

However, the great rat migration of 2010 did afford Andrew the opportunity to impart some knowledge. See, Andrew worked in lab and tonight he taught me how to break a rat's neck. You grab his 'natural leash' as he calls it (tail), pinch the rat's head down on the floor with your thumb and then pull the rat leash up and SNAP, he dead fool....Personally, this ain't gonna be the way I deal with rats. I'm more of a beat'm with a shoe guy :)

Bootlegger's Mint Chocolate Porter and the tale of two breweries

Today was an epic trip to two brewery's just north of Anaheim, our favorite The Bruery to refill our growlers and Bootleggers, who we sampled at the LA Beer Fest and decided their needed to be, ahem, further investigation / heavy drinking. Being the professionals that we are, we accomplished both (*pats on back).

Our usual foursome of David, Karl and Laura piled in the car with two others, the expatriate Pete G and my coworker Tiffany. Arriving in the rain, we set about conquering our 5 glass sampler - which was only $3.50! A bargain price for sure.

Bootleggers has grown tremendously over the last year and after tasting it's easy to see why. They have a superb hefeweizen, a decent golden ale, a strong contender in their unique Rustic Rye IPA,  and the Chipotle Coffee Ale was heavy but delish. Their blue ribbon beer is a Double IPA (DIPA), the Knuckle Sandwich (which I inexplicably continued to reference as a Monkey's Punch), and it is simply fantastic. 

The Winter Ale, a Chocolate Mint Porter, was our beer of the day. 4th on my sampling list, I couldn't wait to reach it and was not disappointed. I love sweets, so tasting a beer that was exactly like Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream ='s deliciousness. It's well rounded and not too heavy. This is a novelty beer and not an 'let's crack another one open' brew, but the great craftsmanship makes the Chocolate Mint Porter an excellent limited release seasonal beer. I wouldn't drink this all the time, but for a night or two over the holidays, this would really hit the spot. TRANSFORMERS rating.

The Bruery was excellent as always and packed. The tasting room is open from 4pm - 10pm on Friday's and Saturdays, giving it a totally different vibe than our 3pm Sunday afternoon tasting. Sunday afternoon, 10 people total. Saturday night, there 40 people all partying because they have Saturday night fever and the only prescription is more Bruery Beer. Karl ingeniously filled up a growler (5+beers) for $15 dollars and we poured our own cheap Mischief beer and sang a cappella karaoke. It was awesome, can't wait for the next trip in January!