Hotly Anticipated Weihenstephan-Sam Adams Infinium is the real Champagne of Beers. Have I mentioned champagne is not my favorite?

Merry Christmas to all! Unless you hate and/or have no affiliation with this Christian holiday, then Seasons Greetings asshole.

Sam Adams teamed up with the oldest brewery in the world which is located in Germany, Weihenstephaner, to create a fairly new style of beer that's gaining popularity, Champagne Beer.

Lakers are losing big, hence, celebration is in order and I have just the right beverage 

It cost $20. I also don't like it. It's unique and is certainly a well crafted beer. However, this collaboration isn't as complex as the Brooklyn-Schneider brew which knocked the pants off me yesterday. The Infinium poured with super heavy carbonation and smells as malty as it tastes. I suppose what surprised me so much was the abscence of hops in this beer. It's overwhelmingly malty and tastes of apricot. Color me unimpressed.

Btw, the pilsner glasses you see in all the pictures this week with my/dad's initials frosted into them, wanna guess how long my parents have had them? They were a wedding present. They've been married 42 years. Isn't that sumpthin?! I had no idea until my dad casually mentioned that and it blew my mind.

Conclusion: Me and my brother Warren (chocolate santa car pictured above) both like the Brooklyn-Schnieder Weissbock we drank yesterday much more. The Infinium lacks complexity and is way too malty for my taste. Was worth the 20 dollar price tag? Nopers. ARMAGEDDON rating.

Sam Adams Coastal Wheat and the Company Christmas Party

Home from the company Christmas party, which was a grand time. I also took advantage of the free Hoegaarden and Stella, which came in handy when the CEO called on all the new employees to tell a joke.

There's a lot of build up in this story but with good reason; telling jokes was never my forte. I can never remember them and when I do, I usually get really excited and botch the punchline (this is well known within my circle of friends and I am teased mercilessly). Now, screwing up a line doesn't matter when you're around friends, but coworkers were different and this evening wasn't going to make it easier on me, as 50+ coworkers and their significant others were crammed shoulder to shoulder into my boss's kitchen for the company toast / new employee hazing.

I wasn't worried about being funny. I knew the line was funny. I was worried about offending someone. The other jokes I know are all pedophile jokes and speaking to a room with people who have kids, this was the least offensive joke I knew because it didn't involve children. I have very classy friends. Anywho, so one new guy was before me and he piped up with something like 'Why is Christmas Santa's favorite time of the year? // He gets to know who's naughty!" Har har har. Jebus, Mary and Jehovah, that was comparitively tame. I was second in line and I lead in with, "It might be a little inappropriate." To my disbelief, the CEO immediately switched tracks on me. He responded with "Okay then, we'll come back to you."

Mother trucker! You know when a football game goes down to the wire and the kicker is called on to boot a game winning field goal, so he lines lines up and suddenly the opposing coach calls a timeout? It's called "Icing the Kicker." That's what happened. I was all teed up and now I had to wait; plus everyone now had strange expectations when the spotlight returned. Apparently the CEO doesn't need Smirnoff to "Ice" me.

I do realize that this joke scenario wouldn't be a big deal to some people. They might even revel in it. But I would rather give a speech on the importance of stimulating the labia during foreplay to my mother than tell sex jokes in front of these particular coworkers, for whatever reason. And now I have to wait. 

My turn came a few minutes later. I looked into the eyes of the COO I barely know and his wife, the bearer of his children, and all the others I never really talk to during the day and who's first major impression of me would be conceived from the next two sentences and delivered the joke with the polished poise of a five beer man;

"Why does Barbie never get pregnant?"

... ... ... ...

"Because Ken always comes in another box"

Nice. There was a lot of laughter as well as a few 'ewwws' so I couldn't initially tell if it landed well or not, but apparently the joke struck gold.  Later it was relayed to me that the CEO had remarked, "That was a fucking funny joke," which coming from a man who is tough-as-nails and raised on the streets of Chicago and certainly intimidates tougher men than I, is big. Victory is mine. The end.

*Thanks to Patti (PTwist) for that gem of joke, thus saving me from upending my career with a terrible pedo joke*

"Bye Buddy, I hope you find your dad!" / "Thanks Mr. Narwhal!"

Bdubs, Elf and Home Alone are the two greatest Christmas movies and if anyone challenges me, I hope they don't like having a face because I will go Gorilla on you.. Anywho, I'm probably already a sixer into the night but who's really counting?

Sam Adams Coastal Wheat was left in our fridge by David L and as far as I'm concerned, this wheat is perfectly tasty. Light and refreshing and not bitter. Party on Wayne, I sure plan to. TRANSFORMERS rating.

Sam Adams White Ale isn't worthy of consideration by the Academy

David and I split a bottle left over from the night before while I popped in a TRUE GRIT screener, hallelujah! 

The white ale is light with hints of citrus and orange but it's surprisingly bitter. Ehhhh not a huge fan. Same with the flick, though must be noted I had large expectations for the film. I loved the script but thought the Coen Bros must cut much of their signature dark humor out. However, Jeff Bridges gives a nomination worthy performance and Josh Brolin's small role was executed perfectly. White Ale = THE ISLAND rating.

I also saw THE FIGHTER the night before. Christian Bale and Amy Adams give amazing performances and Bale is a shoo-in for an award. I wanted a little more from the fights but all-in, a great film. Worthy of your $10.

Chocolate Bock Sam Adams reminds me of Hershey's

I was going to utilize one of the two Japanese beers David returned with from Japan, but I had four coworkers over last night for Beatles Rock Band and Derek, who continues to piss excellence, brought a Sam Adams Winter Seasonal pack, which is something every beer drinking human should pick up. It's great for a party and we were able to split them up and sample a wide variety of beers. The Chocolate Bock was advertised as a brand new brew and I couldn't resist postponing Japan. Sorry but not sorry. 

Like Batman, Derek's true identity remains a mystery

So, we all did and ate silly things as a child. One of my deep dark fat kid secrets is as a young buck, I routinely drank Log Cabin Lite Maple Syrup and Hershey's Chocolate Syrup straight out of the bottle when my mom wasn't looking. It was from that point on, I knew I would always have a drinking problem.

The Chocolate Bock is Hershey Syrup's brother from another mother - but his skinny brother because it's surprisingly light bodied like a Shiner Bock Black. I suppose you could say the moral of this experience is to not judge a Bock by its color you narrow-minded BEER RACIST, because the few I've had are dark like a stout but not very filling.

I'm not a huge fan of CB, but it's not a terrible beer. Recognizing it's hard to make a chocolate beer and they're few and far between, this is worth a sample but not a six pack. ARMAGEDDON rating

Sam Adams Lattitude 48 IPA

It's gooooood! Beer and football game. The University of Texas stopped sucking ass and freaking pulled out a W against 5 ranked Nebraska, thanks to the Cornhuskers 8 dropped passes. We're very thankful for your butterfingers. Sara, Jess, Karl, Evan F (who is leaving this week on a 13,000 mile motorcycle ride to Argentina, follow him here: http://travel.evanfell.com/ ) and Aaron came over to watch me jump up and down and scream at the TV while waving my cowboy hat furiously. If you don't like football, it's okay, you will still be entertained. Aaron brought over this Sam Adams and we rounded out the afternoon with the Florida Gator game (who lost, single tear).

Texas fight Texas fight, OU sucks!

This beer has a solid hops punctuation and is well rounded. It's very drinkable. A weekend afternoon brew with your friends? Yep. Can you dig it? TRANSFORMERS rating.