Thursday, April 28, 2011

Taj Mahal Premium Lager sells out India's only Wonder of the World but for a good cause

I tend to stay away from Lagers on this beer quest, but you know the saying, when in India...

Karl and Laura have searched LA high and low for the finest Indian food and Jaipur is, as Beck says, where it's at. I've tasted the fruits of Jaipur and upon the completed meal, my rotund belly let me know it was AMAZING. The Chicken Tikki Marsala, Lamb Korma, and Tandoori Chicken was phenomenal. I know that David didn't like Indian food before Karl took him here but he's a changed man because of it. So if you're in LA, check this place out Jaipur. AND I finally discovered what the hell a Tandoori is, horay!
To cool off the spicyness, Karl and I utilizing his favorite Indian brew, the Taj Mahal Premium Lager. Apparently, Indians have beat America to the punch in the realm of whoring out national landmarks to sell beer. I never thought this day would come.

However, not to vilify ourselves, the quote of the night comes from Laura who exclaimed confidently in response to the shenanigans of Karl and I that, "We're all shady people." Touche miss.  She knows all too well.

The Mahal de Taj is pretty tasty. I would put it above any mass produced American Lager. It's crisp, creamy, and has a touch of fruit flavor. It pairs wonderfully with the native food. TRANSFORMERS rating.

Afterward, Library Alehouse had a special Belgian beer night where they were giving away glasses with the purchase of specific brews, including Kwak. David was practically frothing at the gash for a glass for whatever reason (he didn't know they looked like a novelty margarita glass you buy at a baseball game) so I met Tiffany and her friend Tyler who were holding down the fort at the Alehouse all night. Thanks to Tiff, David now has his Belgian Margarita Glass. Parrrrtayy.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Marin Brewing Co's Hefe Doppelweizen confuses me like a bad accent

Coincidentally for the beer of the day, all evening I've been reading about homebrewing and specifically about a critical analysis/breakdown of award winning wheat and bock style recipes.

This beer notifies me in big golden letters that it's a Hefe Doppelweizen, which is German for "Yeast Double Strength Wheat Beer" (the 'yeast refers to a specific type unique to southern Germany), but underneath that Marin proudly proclaims, 'Unfiltered American Wheat Ale."

Color me confused. So let's say, just for example, that all my impersonations using a foreign accent sound Italian (sadly). Now, if I was impersonating Antonio Banderas but it actually sounded like Luigi from Mario Kart, you would mostly likely experience a moment of confusion before calling me and idiot and laughing at me - not necessarily in that order. That's what's happening upfront. It's confusing to reference the beer as one thing when it's really a different style, but labeling your beer as foreign in order to market your product better domestically, is hallmark American (that's my sneaking suspicion). Capitalism always wins.
At 7%, it's has close to double the alcohol a German Hefeweiss has and has a very clean profile. I'm tasting sweet banana, but otherwise nothing outlandishly German. As the beer warms up I can taste the American Wheat tartness, which is one reason why I chose a Kolsch yeast instead of an American Wheat when I brewed my wheat beer, Heisenberg's Honey Wheat. It's a flavor very specific to American Wheat yeast which I personally dislike.

Overall, like it's title, the beer is a confusing mix of American and German wheat flavors that don't appeal to me. While this won gold at three gold medals at the World Beer Championships in 1997, 2000 and 2005, the brew only received a B-- rating on beer advocate. After diligently reading tonight on styles, I've learned that judges grade based on criteria and not necessarily taste. For me, this is an THE ISLAND rating.

Also, Southpark's season opener "HumancentiPad" lost me after the second defecation joke. Is that a sign of maturation? If so, then shit...don't hangout with me cause I ain't gonna be fun no more.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

New Clairvoux Ovila Dubbel collaboration with Sierra Nevada is monastery friendly

David picked this up from Whole Foods and as soon as I heard the abbey's name, I knew I'd heard it somewhere. It soon clicked that I'd read an article months ago in the LA Times that was heart and liver warming.

"In partnership with monks at an abbey north of Chico, a brewery will release an ale that pays tribute to the Trappist beers of Europe. Proceeds will help reconstruct a monastery from stones left by William Randolph Hearst."

http://articles.latimes.com/2010/nov/29/local/la-me-monks-beer-20101130

I can drink and support local architecture? Sold. Where do I sign?
Kleenex's have been my best friend for the past four days. That, beer and ice cream, which together complete what's nown as "Gods Medicine"
If you like history, read the article as the monastery stones have a long and twisted road to their California resting place.


The dubbel isn't as sweet or as full bodied as a Trappist Dubbel. The flavor profile includes soft caramels and it's closer to a brown ale. It's crisp and pours a beautiful color. It's very drinkable but for $11, the price isn't worth it. I sure wish it was cheaper, I'd drink more. ARMAGEDDON rating.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Bruery Provisions Imperial White Orchid is a spicy wit on viagra

The Bruery’s White Orchid is a pretty tasty strumpet. A Belgian wit beer brewed with orange peel, coriander and nutmeg. The Imperial White Orchid is version 2.0, bigger and bolder that clocks in at 9%. That's right ladies, it's bigger. But not every beer tastes better when it’s super-sized. What will the verdict be?
David howls at the moon

This is the first full bodied wit beer I've had. It steps up to plate and levels you in the eye and dares to be drunk. I love the spices, which match the increase in body. I like the beer but wonder if the general populace would enjoy a wit on steroids. The wit-style is usually refined, delicate and smooth. It’s regular White Orchid is a stroll down the trail opposed to the Imperial’s mountain hike. If your palate tiptoes around in your face flavors, I would stick with the regular orchid, which is also a great beer. But if your tongue doesn’t mind a full frontal assault, this is worth getting your mitts on a bottle. THE ROCK rating.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Bruery Provisions Salt of the Earth made with Truffle Salt is Savory as Scheisse

What the Scheisse is Gose beer? Apparently it’s made with some intriguing ingredients - coriander and truffle salt.
"Gose is a top-fermented beer style of Leipzig, Germany that are brewed with at least 50% of the grain bill being malted wheat. Because of the use of coriander and salt, Gose does not comply to the Reinheitsgebot (German purity law). It is allowed an exemption from the rules on the grounds of being a regional specialty."

I have a case of Bronchitus so my sore throat remedy is ice cream and beer. I’m mature like that. David picked up this up from The Bruery Provisions store yesterday during its limited production run.
The Salt of the Earth is at 5%, which is true to the style but low for a typical Bruery beer. The malt is savory thanks to the prominent truffle salt. The complexity reminds me of this fantastic chocolate they sell in wine stores and whole foods, which is a dark chocolate shell around caramel with sea salt on top. There is an explosion of flavor, and this beer packs the same punch. The salt in both beer and chocolate brings out tongue bursting flavors.

This is a really interesting beer. How many U.S. craft brewers brew with salt, let alone truffle salt. It’s an experimental beer that hits it out of the park. THE ROCK rating.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Rahr Ass Kisser Double IPA isn't the greatest sycophant

I’ve been feeling sick all day and I missed out on a Temecula Wine Country /Breury Tasting filled afternoon that David and Karl were able to enjoy. David was kind enough to bring back a couple provisions series beers for us to drink the next couple days.

He also brought back a funny story from The Bruery. A kid our age brought in his parents to the Provisions store. The mom said they were very excited to try their beer because their son loved it so much – do they have anything that was similar to Budweiser? For anyone who has had craft beer, especially a Bruery beer, that’s an asinine, ridiculous question. That’s like asking somebody in the Bordeaux region if they have any cheap Chianti. The Provisions Store employee was a professional and in a herculean effort, responded to the lady’s questions politely and deftly. I couldn’t believe their son hadn’t prepped them on the Bruery’s beers which he apparently loved so much. In the words of Paul Newman, “I think what we have here, is a failure to communicate.”


This is from Fort Worth and I’m partial to any beer from my home state. Not bad malt flavor but the hop balance isn’t coming through. I’m not impressed with the quality of this, as much as I want to because of the Ass on the label. I’m getting rid of this so I can hit the hay early and overcome this cough. Maybe I have the black lung after spending 30 years down in the coal mines.  ARMAGEDDON rating.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Belmont Strawberry Blonde tastes of fruity excrement. Novelty Beers: wah wah wahhhh

Just because it's Good Friday, doesn't mean we have a good beer planned. I bought this beer weeks ago just to piss off David and now it's zero hour. When we first started this year, one of the first beers I brought home was a Banana Bread Beer. I bought it because from time to time I want to taste beers that are different, that I would normally never try and are out of our comfort zone.

People always ask David, what's your favorite beer? That's always a hard question to answer, there are so many...Okay they say, what's the worst beer you've ever had? Easy answer. BANANA BREAD BEER. And David wasn't wrong, it was truly horrendous. Here's my write up: Wells Banana Bread

David hates fruity beers. David hates novelty beers as much as he hates fruity lambics and saisons. Come to think of it, David hates a lot of things but most of all horses. I don't know how he does it, but David has found glue made from horses. I think it came from Colonial Williamsburg. He doesn't even own a dog but he buys the dog food with horse meat in it, just to keep up their bottom line. It's the least he could do.

See what horses can do to a line of thought? They're such a tangent. Another point illustrating horses are evil. Anywho, the irony of me buying a beer to piss off David, is that I have to drink it as well. Before recommending me for idiot of the year award, do know that I don't mind the fruity beers as much as David, but in my nearsighted decision to purchase the fruit brew, I had forgotten how truly awful novelty beers are. They taste like...Horse Glue.
I can smell the intense Starburst-like flavor from far away. It's nearly overpowering. However, this smells much better than it tastes, because it tastes like @$$- like an off batch of natty light. Similar to the Banana Bread Beer, the fruit is all in the aroma and not in the flavor profile.

The funny thing about novelty/fruit beers that the general buying public don't realize, is that the beers aren't actually "brewed" with fruits (typically, although exceptions like Dogfish Head Aprihop might use apricots in the boil). When you see a 'blueberry' beer, you're actually getting a beer that was made with ingredients similar to any other type of ale, but right before the beer was bottled they added blueberry syrup. Thus, there is little fruit flavor to the beer as the beer has already stopped fermenting. It simply smells like blueberries. Once you see behind the curtain, fruit beers become less of an ale and more of a novelty.

This style of beer always smell decent but taste horrible. Even though the Strawberry Banana was better than the Banana Bread, it still receives a PEARL HARBOR rating.
As we finish off this brew, I'm already looking forward along to my trip down to San Pedro with Sara P, Mark Snyder and Joanna for the long anticipated Railroad Revival Tour - Old Crow Medicine Show, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, and the truly transcendent Mumford and Sons. The three bands are touring via railroad for a handful of dates from Oakland to Austin and plan to collaborate on material along the way. CAN'T WAIT!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hair of the Dog Ruth trumps Obama's LA road closures

Today in LA was forecast to be the Obamapocalypse. El Presidente's last scheduled trip closed four vital rush hour streets and it took some people 5 hours to return home after work. Los Angeles was one match away from bursting into flames.

Like everyone else, I was all over the interweb trying to get the jump on the Secret Service's plans (bastards are unsurprisingly crafty) on the road closures. His route from Sony Studios to Brentwood crossed every road I could take to get home. At 6:30 my coworker Tiffany and I discovered a wormhole from our workplace to the marina that people were avoiding because it lead right past Sony where Obama was...but for the moment it was open (according to Google maps).

I took off and flew right past barricades and police command centers on Venice, which was wide open, and made it home in phenomenal time. It only took me 9 years but I finally beat LA traffic.

In celebration I joined Tiff and her friends at Alibi Room for some Kogi Short Rib and an appropriately Hair of the Dog (for just missing Obama's road closures).
Hair of the Dog Ruth is named after someone's granny, who was appropriately named. Anyone named Ruth is destined to be a grandmother, a librarian, or a delicious Baby made of chocolate covered peanuts, caramel and nougat (and eaten only on Halloween when you're awkward neighbor runs out of Milky Way).

As a grandmammy, I'd be proud of this beer my son brewed to honor me. Ruth is a Pale Ale with a smooth pilsner malt base and a burst of hops. It's clean and incredibly refreshing. The brew reminds me of Lagunitas Little Sumpin Sumpin, only crisper. Ruth is very tasty, easy drinking and I hope to find these in a six pack somewhere to introduce at a Gentleman's BBQ this summer. THE ROCK rating.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Ninkasi Oatis the Oatmeal Stout fortifies my body after a sparring session rings my bell

Spent the last hour boxing/sparring with Nick, who is teaching me the old fashioned way - WITH HIS FISTS. I've never sparred before but after 2 years of Krav Maga, it's time I learned. Apparently Nick thinks my face and brain are both beyond repair because we're not using our head gear. At least I'll have my sparkling personality to fall back on when my face looks like the Seal.

Nick's boxing background is impressive to watch, up until the point when I don't block a right hook that connects with my chin and my neck pops 5 or 6 times. Paging my chiropractor Dr. Tennenbaum. Even though I pop his nose enough for it to bleed a bit, I still feel like he put on a demonstration using me as the dummy. He was Batman and I was Robin...yes, the Chris O'Donnell Robin. Three times as bad as any other Robin.

I'm thoroughly worn out now but focused on continuing the chain of violence by watching Dexter, which I recently started and have now become obsessed with.
Who is your daddy and what does he do?

I love the color, and the coffee and roasted malt smell are stomach tickling. Unfortunately, the buck stops there. The alcohol comes on strong like a bad cologne and it's flavor isn't as good as I'd hoped. Granted, my expectations were based on my love for Ninkasi and the nostalgic affection of the Otis Spunkmeyer cookies our high school made fresh every day, served hot and gooey with a carton of milk....I just went to a happy place. ARMAGEDDON rating. 
Hey Otis, that's the same advice yo momma tells her first time customers...Ha, yeah yeah she is SUCH a hooker

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Ninkasi Spring Reign can't top Steve Martin's interrogation of Tina Fey

Spent the evening listening to Tina Fey and Steve Martin converse for an hour on a huge stage, from very far away. Glad they had speakers. Tina Fey, who is out promoting her book and is preggers, so she couldn't do her usual tap dance/comedy routine, showed incredible poise and cleverness, but Steve Martin stole the show. My favorite quote from the evening came from Steve.

After their conversation, they opened the floor up to Q&A. Per usual, there were smart questions and silly questions. Halfway through the Q&A the tech crew finally brought a spotlight to bear on the questioner. Steve remarked offhand, "Oh good the spotlight is on - now we can see who's asking the stupid questions."  In a huge venue full of Los Angelens, those two were easily the two smartest people in the room tonight.

Back home, I'm pouring from one of my favorite breweries Ninkasi. I have a love affair with mason jars, one of my hopefully amusing quirks. That's right...BALLS...mason jar company. Send me your Ball Jars and I'll promote them on the interweb!

The Spring Reign is a light ale with hops and a strong citrus flavor presence. The hops are the standout performer from a a rather timid base, but the Reign will join Lagunitas Lil Sumpin Sumpin as a decent brew for the upcoming summer. ARMAGEDDON rating.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Ninkasi reNew Irish Red Ale welcomes my new King Moonracer's Revenge Coasters

Ninkasi makes a different beer every year, and this is 2011's style. It's a 5.2% Irish red ale. The ReNew has a thin malt with slight caramel and hop bitterness. It's fun but not thirst quenching by any means. ARMAGEDDON rating. 
The highlight of my day was receiving these coasters from my friend Jamie R. I made a label for my first homebrew, the Christmas Ale King Moonracer's Revenge and she had someone make the label into a coaster. They're sturdy coasters and look great! I freaking love them. I've collected a ton of coasters this year and this is by far the best looking, probably because I spent way more time on the label than people spend on a coaster, but still; it's awesome. Thanks Jamie!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Ballast Point Sea Monster is King Neptune's Nemesis

David and I are having a nice little day trip down down in Manhattan Beach and Jamie's joined us. Manhattan BrewCo is the place to be for beer here (if Simmzy's is packed) and so we're here for some burgers and beer. After a warm up beer we're ready for the 10% Sea Monster Imperial Stout!

The alcohol knock my two front teeth out. It's a deeply roasted barley malt with heavy coffee tones. Really heavy. Jamie says it tastes like coffee dirt, which is...interesting. This is an aquatic Andre the Giant. It's King Neptunes Nemesis. People will either love this or be overwhelmed by it. David is literally singing this "beeeeer's a delight." THE ROCK rating.