After discovering Dogfish Head’s 90 min IPA last week at Mom’s Bar, I joined Matt and Nick G there to play pool and drink beers, ones that I couldn’t count as tonight’s beer. I’m going to perceive this week as a continuation of my birthday and pretend that 4 beers plus my beer of the day is defines a health conscious and socially acceptable evening.
The highlight of the night, however, was meeting a special lady. Not that kind of special lady. Nick G figured out this lady sitting next to us at the bar was connected in way to me. Through a couple of carefully phrased questions, we realized that she had dated this guy, let's call him Jeff (not his real name). This really surprised me because Jeff had dated a former boss, who was gay, for the last 5 years (up until my old boss died this summer, sadly). Throughout this process, I'm incredibly excited - like, wave my hands in the air while I talk excited - because she doesn't know what I know, which is the above information. She only knew Jeff as being straight. Things could get really juicy here in a minute. However, I do know that 'Jeff' was also in the company during some times of my boss' relationship with him (personal assistants deal with this crap all the time and know too much). Where does she fit into the time-line?
So I let her know that Jeff was gay, or at the very least bi. How do I know this? 5 years ago acquaintances of my boss saw him do things in a shower during a pool party, that would preclude him from being defined as straight (to drop some mild sauce on it). You should've seen her face! I just slapped a'ho with some knowledge. So, when did you date him? I saw the wheels turn as she figured out the dates and did the math, and it was priceless. 5 years ago. She even broke up with him because he was buying her flowers using my boss' credit card and being picked up using his limo. HAHAHA. God that must suck. This realization, even from events years ago, must be really awkward for a woman. She was probably sleeping with him whilst he was doing things with men that weren't even allowed in the Old Testament.
She was pretty shell shocked at that point. And I have to say, that moment was priceless. I didn't laugh out loud because I didn't want her to feel any more weird about that truth, but inside I was rolling. Afterward, she proceeded to play really terrible pool, so good work me for getting inside her head. But seriously, best night ever. Nick G, excellent work. People don't describe me as being a dick, but I did tell someone the truth when maybe they didn't need or care to hear it. To that I say, eh, tough shit. That was hilariously worth it.
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